I feel really slow, like a tot opening his eyes to the world for the first time, only its not. God knows what made me shut my brains to the world of knowledge for so long. Complacency i'll bet. The quirk that 'hey, one never gets any dumber than one is now'. So wrong, the world moves on without the protagonist, leaving him in a void. A void he so yearns to fill now.

I find myself lost in a frenzy of words, words that once would seem trivial to me, but now pose my biggest challenge. I feel so english-fucked. It's gonna take a hell lot to start catching up, but hell, i will. No more simple minded walking, no more conformity, my eyes are now open. Challenges are coming hard and fast and i'm really drowning in them. Wish someone could help but its really up to me to do this.

If only life would be as simple as i'd wished it'd be for these wasted years. I guess i must have hit a point where i thought 'life's too fucked, ignorance is bliss'. Guess ignorance didn't work for me either.

Back to the books.

then&now